• The Daily Show – The Curious Case of Flight 370
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    The Daily Show – The Curious Case of Flight 370

    [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >>Jon: WELCOME TO “THE DAILY SHOW”. MY NAME IS JON STEWART. [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] WE’RE BACK. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. OUR GUEST TONIGHT OH, SHE PUTS THE HUFF IN HUFFPO. ARIANNA HUFFINGTON WILL BE OUR GUEST TONIGHT. BUT FIRST, FOR WEEKS THE BIG STORY HAS BEEN THE MISSING MALAYSIA AIRLINES FLIGHT. TODAY SATELLITE DATA SEEMS TO HAVE CONFIRMED THE WORST. I THINK WE ALL FEARED THIS STORY WOULD END IN TRAGEDY, AND SO EARLY ON WE TURNED TO THE NEWS MEDIA FOR A SENSE OF SOBER CLARITY.>>AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLERS IN SOUTHEAST ASIA HAVE LOST CONTACT WITH A JUMBO JET CARRYING 239 PEOPLE. WE’RE OF COURSE DOING…

  • Hannibal Buress – Jaywalking Is a Fantasy Crime
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    Hannibal Buress – Jaywalking Is a Fantasy Crime

    – I GOT A JAYWALKING TICKET IN MONTREAL. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. I’VE JAYWALKED SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE. IT’S SUCH AN EASY THING TO TIME OUT. IS THERE A CAR COMING? NO? LET ME GET ACROSS THEN. I’VE DONE IT THOUSANDS OF TIMES. BUT THIS TIME IT WAS ME AND THIS OLD LADY. WE WERE JAYWALKING TOGETHER. WE WEREN’T TOGETHER LIKE THAT, BUT IF WE WERE, SO WHAT? MIND YOUR BUSINESS. I JUST MET Y’ALL. SO ME AND THIS OLD LADY, WE GET ACROSS THE STREET, THEN A MONTREAL COP APPROACHES US, SPEAKING IN FRENCH. [imitating French] FRENCH. [laughter] I SAID, “HEY, MAN, I DON’T TALK LIKE THAT.…

  • “Overbooking Business Class” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal)
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    “Overbooking Business Class” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal)

    We’ve been traveling all around the country it’s been so much fun you know out in places like P.E and Cape Town and East London recently went to Durban which was a bit of a shlep for us it was really hard because it was raining so much and then on top of the flight delays that you have to contest with there’s also like overbooking, which is a problem I don’t know if you know what over booking is but basically it’s a legal process where it’s a practice rather where airlines book more tickets than there are seats on the plane so they book more, sort of like…

  • Canadians are not the nice ones | Rob Bebenek
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    Canadians are not the nice ones | Rob Bebenek

    Yeah, look at all you lovely, sweet-looking Canadian people. You guys are all so sweet. Right? ‘Cause you’re Canadian, right? You’re nice. Sooner or later we gotta just own up to the fact that we are not the nice ones in our relationship with our neighbours to the south. Right? Everyone thinks, around the world, “Oh!” “Canadians are so nice.” “Americans are awful.” That’s not the way it is. You ever ask an American what they think of a Canadian? They’re just like, “Oh they’re so great, they’re just great little people.” “Up there with their cute hats. They’re awesome, I love them so much.” You ever ask a Canadian…

  • International Travel
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    International Travel

    – I travel a lot. I’m constantly going through security, always behind that person that’s never left their house before. (audience laughs) They always want to ask me questions like, “Can I bring soup on the plane? (audience laughs) “It’s homemade soup.” I’m like, “Uh, you should ask them.” “For an ID, can I use a fishing license?” (audience laughs) “Uh, you should–” “Should I take off my shoes and my pants?” (audience laughs) “Yes, you should.” (audience laughs and claps) Airport security’s annoying. It’s nothing compared to international travel, like going through customs and immigration. That’s so intense. They’re dressed like SWAT team members. (audience laughs) I always get…

  • Inside Amy Schumer – Time Travel
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    Inside Amy Schumer – Time Travel

    So then Jeff was like, “What’s your excuse for being late today?” And I was like, “I don’t have an excuse, I have a reason.” Good for you. If your body oversleeps, it’s because it needs it. Shh. Will you stop it? That’s what got us kicked out of Guy Fieri’s restaurant. Don’t say I never offered. (giggling) Let’s move in together. It’s only been two weeks. When you know, you know. Yeah. You’re low-maintenance and it just feels okay. It feels right to me, too. Plus, my roommate’s all over me about rent. She’s your stepmom. Why is she even charging you? I don’t know. Mmm. I’m gonna hit…

  • Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys
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    Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys

    WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH. – BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE…

  • President Trump’s Muslim-Targeted Travel Ban: The Daily Show
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    President Trump’s Muslim-Targeted Travel Ban: The Daily Show

    Let’s get into tonight’s show, and the start of week two of the Donald Trump Presidency. TV REPORTER:Chaotic scenes erupting at airportsaround the world.TV REPORTER:Protests all across the country.TV REPORTER:Denounce President Trump’s temporary banon travelers from seven mostly Muslim countries.TV REPORTER:Lawyers descending on airports.TV REPORTER: Chaos and confusion.Is this the America that we believe in? CROWD: No! -Is this liberty? -CROWD: No! Do you understand how insane this is? People in the airport were pissed, and it’s not because they’re at the airport. Welcome to Trump’s America. That’s how bad “The Donald” is. No matter how bad the situation you’re in, Donald Trump can always make it worse. Like, there…

  • “Attention All Passengers” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal) LONGER RE-RELEASE
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    “Attention All Passengers” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal) LONGER RE-RELEASE

    But the pilots, the pilots are calm, they’re cool you know, you get into the air. they start making useless announcements that you don’t even care about, just to give you that feeling that he knows what he’s doing you get up there as the seat belt lights go *sound of seat belt light* “Ladies and gentlemen as you may have noticed we have reached our cruising altitude” “currently sitting at 23 000 feet above sea level.” “Cruising at about 720km an hour in this Boeing 737” “one of the favourite planes in the star _______________ _______________________” “beautiful sunny day up here, we might encounter a few bumps but nothing…