• Key & Peele – Magician Cop
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Magician Cop

    [indistinct radio chatter] [tapping on glass] – WAS I SPEEDING, OFFICER? – YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE FROM AROUND HERE. – NO, SIR. – YOU BEEN DOING ANY DRUGS TONIGHT? – NO, SIR. – NOPE? – NO. – WHY DON’T YOU POP THAT TRUNK, STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE FOR ME, PLEASE. – REALLY? – YEAH. [trunk pops] – [sighs] [seatbelt clicks] – NO DRUGS, HUH? – NOPE. [indistinct radio chatter] – WELL, WELL, WELL. [trunk closes] WHAT HAVE WE HERE? – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU PLANTED THAT IN MY CAR. – OH, DID I? OR…DID I PLANT THIS? – UH–I REAL–I GUESS– – UP AGAINST…

  • Key & Peele – Mr. Nostrand’s Big Mistake
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Mr. Nostrand’s Big Mistake

    [bell rings] [students chattering] [chatter fades] – I… AM YOUR SUBSTITUTE… MR. NOSTRAND. BUT THAT MIGHT AS WELL SAY, “NO NONSENSE,” BECAUSE I DO NOT PLAY. NOW, TODAY WILL NOT BE A DAY OFF. IN FACT, TODAY, YOU WILL WORK HARDER THAN– [farts] [farts quietly] all: [laughing] – SEE YOU LATER, MR. POOTSTRAND! DID THAT DUDE REALLY JUST FART? – SOMEBODY CALL A CODE BROWN UP IN HERE.

  • Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting

    – BROTHERS. BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN. I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETING TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANE IN 13 YEARS? – KHALIV. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNING AND MIGHTY TSA IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US. – I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! – IT’S TRUE. LAST MONTH, I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS FIVE INCHES LONG. – THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT PLAN. WHY DID IT NOT WORK? – BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA, THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS SO YOU CAN ONLY TAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS. FOUR INCHES. – WHAT? – YEAH.…

  • Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date  – Uncensored
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date – Uncensored

    [laughter] God, the moment I saw you last night in the club, totally had to ask you out. Are you kidding me? Like, the moment? – Oh, yeah. – That’s so sweet. And I was actually afraid that you were going to be, like, one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know? – What? – Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. Control freak or– I don’t even know. Oh, my God. That’s so funny. Isn’t it? Is it? Is it funny? Is it funny? No. I’m, like, I totally just like to be just easygoing. – Yeah, yeah. – Hi, I’m Wayne. – I’ll be your waiter. – It’s been…

  • Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys

    WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH. – BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE…

  • Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele
    Articles,  Blog

    Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele

    ALL THE WAY DOWN AT THE END. – MM-HMM. – YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ATTACHED BATHROOM, BY THE WAY. OH, UM, HERE’S ONE OF OUR BEST RESEARCHERS. DICK? – HEY. – AH, HELLO THERE. [dramatic music] WHAT’S UP, DUDE? GLAD TO SEE THERE’S ANOTHER BROTHER IN THIS STUFFY PLACE. – SO, UH, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR ASSISTANT, GENEVIEVE. [dramatic music] – WHAT IS THIS? – IT’S THE SHINING, MAN. ALL BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE SHINING. YOU NEVER SHINED WITH ANOTHER BLACK PERSON BEFORE? – NO, I GREW UP IN A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD AND THEN WENT TO DARTMOUTH. I’VE MET OTHER BLACK PEOPLE BEFORE, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. – YOU…

  • East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele
    Articles,  Blog

    East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele

    – HEY, JADINKALAGE? – YEAH, L’CARPETRON? – CHECK OUT LEOZ. I WONDER WHAT HE’S DREAMING ABOUT? – HE IS PROBABLY DREAMING ABOUT WHAT WE IS GONNA DO TO THE TEAM FROM THE WEST. – I WONDER. – ♪ T’VARIUSNESS ♪ ♪ T-KING FOR SHORT ♪ ♪ I’M A BAD MAMMA-JAMMA ♪ ♪ AND AN AWFUL SPORT ♪ – ♪ SMOOCHIE-WALLACE ♪ ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME TYROIL ♪ ♪ RAPPIN’ UP RUSHES LIKE ALUMINUM FOIL ♪ – ♪ MCCRINGLEBERRY ♪ ♪ I’M VERY SCARY ♪ ♪ IF I GOT THE BALL YOU BEST BE WARY ♪ – ♪ L’CARPETRON DOOKMARRIOT ♪ ♪ I LOVE THE BALL SO MUCH I WANNA…

  • Key & Peele – Country Music
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Country Music

    HEY, ALL I KNOW IS ITS GOOD HAVING ANOTHER BROTHER MOVE INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD. – HEY, MAN, IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU OVER. AND I THINK THAT YOU WILL DIG THIS. – ALL RIGHT. HEY! – HUH? – NICE GUITAR COLLECTION. – OH, THANKS, MAN. HEY, YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING? – YEAH, SURE. – ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LET’S GET THIS STARTED. LET’S GET THIS STARTED. [playing guitar] ♪ WELL, I’M JUST A GOOD OLD AMERICAN BOY ♪ ♪ WITH A HEART THAT’S RED, WHITE, AND TRUE ♪ ♪ I’M DREAMIN’ OF THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR AND FRECKLES ♪ ♪ AND HER EYES LIKE THE SKIES…

  • Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele
    Articles,  Blog

    Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele

    Folks, I have a simple philosophy. The government should work for everyone, not just the elite. And that’s why I helped pass the farm bill, because I care about farmers. But I won’t stop there. I will work for everyone, whether you are young, whether you are old, whether you are Asian or Hispanic, whether you are straight or whether you are gay. I will work for all of you. And that’s why I also support marriage equality. Folks don’t choose to be gay, anymore than I choose to be straight. Could you imagine if someone told you that you couldn’t marry the person that you loved? I’m sorry, I…

  • Key & Peele – East/West College Bowl
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – East/West College Bowl

    – HI, EVERYBODY, I’M DAVE STASSEN ALONGSIDE GEOFF WORTHING, AND WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL EAST/WEST BOWL, AS WE GET READY TO WATCH SOME OF THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYERS IN THE NATION SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLS IN A CLASSIC SHOWDOWN BETWEEN EAST AND WEST. AND THERE REALLY ARE SOME CHARACTERS ON THIS YEAR’S SQUADS, AREN’T THERE, GEOFF? – THAT’S RIGHT, DAVE. IT DOES SEEM LIKE THE MOST FLAMBOYANT PERSONALITIES CAME TO THE FOREFRONT, AND THEY ARE HERE. LET’S MEET THE PLAYERS FROM THE EAST. [rock music] ♪ – D’MARCUS WILLIUMS, UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA. – T.J. JUCKSON, WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY. – T’VARIUSNESS KING, MERRIMACK COLLEGE. – TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE, UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. – D’SQUARIUS…