• Trump Airlines Flight 1600 16 Celebrity Defectors Flight to Canada
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    Trump Airlines Flight 1600 16 Celebrity Defectors Flight to Canada

    Ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking welcome aboard top-flight 1600 with nonstop service to Canada. We’d like to welcome all our celebrity defectors we’ll get you out of America just as soon as the tower clears us for takeoff. And once we reach our cruising altitude, flight attendants will pass thru the cabin collecting your US citizenship re-nouncement forms and serving complimentary beverages and disposable crying towels. Once you reach the drop zone, will be guided to the exit ramp at the rear of the plane, where you’ll take a crash course on parachute folding and be jettison shortly thereafter. We like to thank you for choosing Trump…

  • Key & Peele – Magician Cop
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    Key & Peele – Magician Cop

    [indistinct radio chatter] [tapping on glass] – WAS I SPEEDING, OFFICER? – YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE FROM AROUND HERE. – NO, SIR. – YOU BEEN DOING ANY DRUGS TONIGHT? – NO, SIR. – NOPE? – NO. – WHY DON’T YOU POP THAT TRUNK, STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE FOR ME, PLEASE. – REALLY? – YEAH. [trunk pops] – [sighs] [seatbelt clicks] – NO DRUGS, HUH? – NOPE. [indistinct radio chatter] – WELL, WELL, WELL. [trunk closes] WHAT HAVE WE HERE? – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU PLANTED THAT IN MY CAR. – OH, DID I? OR…DID I PLANT THIS? – UH–I REAL–I GUESS– – UP AGAINST…

  • Key & Peele – Mr. Nostrand’s Big Mistake
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    Key & Peele – Mr. Nostrand’s Big Mistake

    [bell rings] [students chattering] [chatter fades] – I… AM YOUR SUBSTITUTE… MR. NOSTRAND. BUT THAT MIGHT AS WELL SAY, “NO NONSENSE,” BECAUSE I DO NOT PLAY. NOW, TODAY WILL NOT BE A DAY OFF. IN FACT, TODAY, YOU WILL WORK HARDER THAN– [farts] [farts quietly] all: [laughing] – SEE YOU LATER, MR. POOTSTRAND! DID THAT DUDE REALLY JUST FART? – SOMEBODY CALL A CODE BROWN UP IN HERE.

  • Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting
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    Key & Peele – Al Qaeda Meeting

    – BROTHERS. BROTHERS, LET US BEGIN. I HAVE CONVENED THIS MEETING TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY HAVE WE NOT TAKEN A PLANE IN 13 YEARS? – KHALIV. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. IT IS ALL BECAUSE THE CUNNING AND MIGHTY TSA IS ALWAYS ONE STEP AHEAD OF US. – I DO NOT BELIEVE IT! – IT’S TRUE. LAST MONTH, I ATTEMPTED TO TAKE DOWN A PLANE WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS FIVE INCHES LONG. – THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT PLAN. WHY DID IT NOT WORK? – BECAUSE THE SHREWD TSA, THEY MADE RESTRICTIONS SO YOU CAN ONLY TAKE A FOUR-INCH SCISSORS. FOUR INCHES. – WHAT? – YEAH.…

  • Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date  – Uncensored
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    Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date – Uncensored

    [laughter] God, the moment I saw you last night in the club, totally had to ask you out. Are you kidding me? Like, the moment? – Oh, yeah. – That’s so sweet. And I was actually afraid that you were going to be, like, one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know? – What? – Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. Control freak or– I don’t even know. Oh, my God. That’s so funny. Isn’t it? Is it? Is it funny? Is it funny? No. I’m, like, I totally just like to be just easygoing. – Yeah, yeah. – Hi, I’m Wayne. – I’ll be your waiter. – It’s been…

  • Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys
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    Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys

    WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH. – BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE…

  • Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele
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    Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele

    ALL THE WAY DOWN AT THE END. – MM-HMM. – YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ATTACHED BATHROOM, BY THE WAY. OH, UM, HERE’S ONE OF OUR BEST RESEARCHERS. DICK? – HEY. – AH, HELLO THERE. [dramatic music] WHAT’S UP, DUDE? GLAD TO SEE THERE’S ANOTHER BROTHER IN THIS STUFFY PLACE. – SO, UH, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR ASSISTANT, GENEVIEVE. [dramatic music] – WHAT IS THIS? – IT’S THE SHINING, MAN. ALL BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE SHINING. YOU NEVER SHINED WITH ANOTHER BLACK PERSON BEFORE? – NO, I GREW UP IN A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD AND THEN WENT TO DARTMOUTH. I’VE MET OTHER BLACK PEOPLE BEFORE, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. – YOU…

  • East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele
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    East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele

    – HEY, JADINKALAGE? – YEAH, L’CARPETRON? – CHECK OUT LEOZ. I WONDER WHAT HE’S DREAMING ABOUT? – HE IS PROBABLY DREAMING ABOUT WHAT WE IS GONNA DO TO THE TEAM FROM THE WEST. – I WONDER. – ♪ T’VARIUSNESS ♪ ♪ T-KING FOR SHORT ♪ ♪ I’M A BAD MAMMA-JAMMA ♪ ♪ AND AN AWFUL SPORT ♪ – ♪ SMOOCHIE-WALLACE ♪ ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME TYROIL ♪ ♪ RAPPIN’ UP RUSHES LIKE ALUMINUM FOIL ♪ – ♪ MCCRINGLEBERRY ♪ ♪ I’M VERY SCARY ♪ ♪ IF I GOT THE BALL YOU BEST BE WARY ♪ – ♪ L’CARPETRON DOOKMARRIOT ♪ ♪ I LOVE THE BALL SO MUCH I WANNA…

  • Key & Peele – Country Music
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    Key & Peele – Country Music

    HEY, ALL I KNOW IS ITS GOOD HAVING ANOTHER BROTHER MOVE INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD. – HEY, MAN, IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU OVER. AND I THINK THAT YOU WILL DIG THIS. – ALL RIGHT. HEY! – HUH? – NICE GUITAR COLLECTION. – OH, THANKS, MAN. HEY, YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING? – YEAH, SURE. – ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LET’S GET THIS STARTED. LET’S GET THIS STARTED. [playing guitar] ♪ WELL, I’M JUST A GOOD OLD AMERICAN BOY ♪ ♪ WITH A HEART THAT’S RED, WHITE, AND TRUE ♪ ♪ I’M DREAMIN’ OF THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR AND FRECKLES ♪ ♪ AND HER EYES LIKE THE SKIES…

  • Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele
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    Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele

    Folks, I have a simple philosophy. The government should work for everyone, not just the elite. And that’s why I helped pass the farm bill, because I care about farmers. But I won’t stop there. I will work for everyone, whether you are young, whether you are old, whether you are Asian or Hispanic, whether you are straight or whether you are gay. I will work for all of you. And that’s why I also support marriage equality. Folks don’t choose to be gay, anymore than I choose to be straight. Could you imagine if someone told you that you couldn’t marry the person that you loved? I’m sorry, I…