• No-Shave November, Reno Style – RENO 911!
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    No-Shave November, Reno Style – RENO 911!

    Uh, I got this in last night. The State of Nevada is trying to, uh, pass a referendum where, uh, state, and, uh, local government employees cannot have moustaches. ‘Has anyone seen this? Prop 5-5-1?’ – ‘They’re uh…’ – That is [bleep] I find that [bleep]. – ‘Take away our moustaches.’ – That ain’t fair. They will take my moustache from my cold, dead upper lip, my friend. I ain’t coming into work without a ‘stache. Junior, you was born with that moustache, wasn’t you? Hell, yeah. It’s my daddy’s moustache. Or he had a similar one. ‘I don’t want to work here without a moustache.’ ‘I really don’t.’ I…

  • Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys
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    Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys

    WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH. – BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE…

  • Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele
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    Black People Telepathy – Key & Peele

    ALL THE WAY DOWN AT THE END. – MM-HMM. – YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ATTACHED BATHROOM, BY THE WAY. OH, UM, HERE’S ONE OF OUR BEST RESEARCHERS. DICK? – HEY. – AH, HELLO THERE. [dramatic music] WHAT’S UP, DUDE? GLAD TO SEE THERE’S ANOTHER BROTHER IN THIS STUFFY PLACE. – SO, UH, THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR ASSISTANT, GENEVIEVE. [dramatic music] – WHAT IS THIS? – IT’S THE SHINING, MAN. ALL BLACK PEOPLE HAVE THE SHINING. YOU NEVER SHINED WITH ANOTHER BLACK PERSON BEFORE? – NO, I GREW UP IN A WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD AND THEN WENT TO DARTMOUTH. I’VE MET OTHER BLACK PEOPLE BEFORE, BUT NOT LIKE THIS. – YOU…

  • Is Wiegel Dating a Serial Killer? – RENO 911!
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    Is Wiegel Dating a Serial Killer? – RENO 911!

    (Dangle) ‘Good morning, people.’ Well, apparently, the Hells Angels who own that brothel out there, out on 80… They’re doing a program, uh, hand in your gun for a, uh… [clicks tongue] Uh, ***. – ‘Hand job?’ – Yeah. “Hand guns for hand job ***.” That’s what the poster said. Yeah, they wanted us to sponsor that, you know but, uh, up there said, “Unh-unh.” [knock on door] – Hey, guys. – Can I help you, sir? Uh, just the lady out, out front said that maybe I could talk to Trudy for a second. The lady out front was wrong, sir. We are in a meeting. She is working…

  • East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele
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    East/West Bowl Rap Showdown – Key & Peele

    – HEY, JADINKALAGE? – YEAH, L’CARPETRON? – CHECK OUT LEOZ. I WONDER WHAT HE’S DREAMING ABOUT? – HE IS PROBABLY DREAMING ABOUT WHAT WE IS GONNA DO TO THE TEAM FROM THE WEST. – I WONDER. – ♪ T’VARIUSNESS ♪ ♪ T-KING FOR SHORT ♪ ♪ I’M A BAD MAMMA-JAMMA ♪ ♪ AND AN AWFUL SPORT ♪ – ♪ SMOOCHIE-WALLACE ♪ ♪ YOU CAN CALL ME TYROIL ♪ ♪ RAPPIN’ UP RUSHES LIKE ALUMINUM FOIL ♪ – ♪ MCCRINGLEBERRY ♪ ♪ I’M VERY SCARY ♪ ♪ IF I GOT THE BALL YOU BEST BE WARY ♪ – ♪ L’CARPETRON DOOKMARRIOT ♪ ♪ I LOVE THE BALL SO MUCH I WANNA…

  • Key & Peele – Country Music
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    Key & Peele – Country Music

    HEY, ALL I KNOW IS ITS GOOD HAVING ANOTHER BROTHER MOVE INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD. – HEY, MAN, IT’S GOOD TO HAVE YOU OVER. AND I THINK THAT YOU WILL DIG THIS. – ALL RIGHT. HEY! – HUH? – NICE GUITAR COLLECTION. – OH, THANKS, MAN. HEY, YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING? – YEAH, SURE. – ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LET’S GET THIS STARTED. LET’S GET THIS STARTED. [playing guitar] ♪ WELL, I’M JUST A GOOD OLD AMERICAN BOY ♪ ♪ WITH A HEART THAT’S RED, WHITE, AND TRUE ♪ ♪ I’M DREAMIN’ OF THE GIRL WITH THE RED HAIR AND FRECKLES ♪ ♪ AND HER EYES LIKE THE SKIES…

  • Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele
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    Town Hall Audience Member – Key & Peele

    Folks, I have a simple philosophy. The government should work for everyone, not just the elite. And that’s why I helped pass the farm bill, because I care about farmers. But I won’t stop there. I will work for everyone, whether you are young, whether you are old, whether you are Asian or Hispanic, whether you are straight or whether you are gay. I will work for all of you. And that’s why I also support marriage equality. Folks don’t choose to be gay, anymore than I choose to be straight. Could you imagine if someone told you that you couldn’t marry the person that you loved? I’m sorry, I…

  • Key & Peele – East/West College Bowl
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    Key & Peele – East/West College Bowl

    – HI, EVERYBODY, I’M DAVE STASSEN ALONGSIDE GEOFF WORTHING, AND WELCOME TO THE ANNUAL EAST/WEST BOWL, AS WE GET READY TO WATCH SOME OF THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYERS IN THE NATION SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLS IN A CLASSIC SHOWDOWN BETWEEN EAST AND WEST. AND THERE REALLY ARE SOME CHARACTERS ON THIS YEAR’S SQUADS, AREN’T THERE, GEOFF? – THAT’S RIGHT, DAVE. IT DOES SEEM LIKE THE MOST FLAMBOYANT PERSONALITIES CAME TO THE FOREFRONT, AND THEY ARE HERE. LET’S MEET THE PLAYERS FROM THE EAST. [rock music] ♪ – D’MARCUS WILLIUMS, UNIVERSITY OF GEORGIA. – T.J. JUCKSON, WAYNE STATE UNIVERSITY. – T’VARIUSNESS KING, MERRIMACK COLLEGE. – TYROIL SMOOCHIE-WALLACE, UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI. – D’SQUARIUS…

  • Alien Shooting – RENO 911!
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    Alien Shooting – RENO 911!

    [indistinct radio chatter] – Sheriff’s department! – Sheriff’s department! Frisbee! (Garcia) ‘Chandler, Ross, Joey’ ‘Oliver, Greg, get in the house!’ ‘Get in the house!’ (Garcia) ‘How are we doin’ today? How are we doin’?’ We got a call down there at the department uh, some, uh, aircraft takin’ off from, uh, Reno airport’s been receivin’ some, uh, fire, some, uh, bullet rounds. (Frisbee) ‘What airline was it?’ (Garcia) Uh… Doesn’t really matter, Frisbee, honestly… I don’t shoot at airlines. Alien aircraft. (Garcia) ‘You only shoot at alien aircraft?’ What I think is alien aircraft, ET stuff. (Garcia) Uh-huh, how would you distinguish that from regular aircraft? It’s got aliens in…

  • Key & Peele – Power Falcons
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    Key & Peele – Power Falcons

    [rock music] – ♪ SAVING EARTH FROM SPACE ♪ POWER FALCONS! – [roars] [falcon screech] [growls] – YELLOW FALCON, WHAT DO YOUR SENSES TELL YA? – DESTRUCTO IS A KILLING MACHINE. – [growls] – HIS ARMOR IS IMPERVIOUS TO OUR BLASTERS. YOU GOT ANY IDEAS, RED FALCON? – SURE DO, YELLOW FALCON. BLUE FALCON, YOU REMEMBER OUR BATTLE AT DANGO BLUFF? I’LL TAKE THE LEGS, YOU TAKE THE BLASTERS. – IT WAS BEAVER CREEK, AND I TOOK THE LEGS. MAKE SURE YOU SHORE UP THAT FLANK, BLACK FALCON. – UM, ARE YOU TALKING TO ME? BECAUSE I’M THE GREEN FALCON. – NO TIME FOR THAT, BLACK FALCON. PURPLE FALCON, ARM…