• Hannibal Buress – Jaywalking Is a Fantasy Crime
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    Hannibal Buress – Jaywalking Is a Fantasy Crime

    – I GOT A JAYWALKING TICKET IN MONTREAL. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT. I’VE JAYWALKED SO MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE. IT’S SUCH AN EASY THING TO TIME OUT. IS THERE A CAR COMING? NO? LET ME GET ACROSS THEN. I’VE DONE IT THOUSANDS OF TIMES. BUT THIS TIME IT WAS ME AND THIS OLD LADY. WE WERE JAYWALKING TOGETHER. WE WEREN’T TOGETHER LIKE THAT, BUT IF WE WERE, SO WHAT? MIND YOUR BUSINESS. I JUST MET Y’ALL. SO ME AND THIS OLD LADY, WE GET ACROSS THE STREET, THEN A MONTREAL COP APPROACHES US, SPEAKING IN FRENCH. [imitating French] FRENCH. [laughter] I SAID, “HEY, MAN, I DON’T TALK LIKE THAT.…

  • Key & Peele – Magician Cop
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    Key & Peele – Magician Cop

    [indistinct radio chatter] [tapping on glass] – WAS I SPEEDING, OFFICER? – YOU DON’T LOOK LIKE YOU’RE FROM AROUND HERE. – NO, SIR. – YOU BEEN DOING ANY DRUGS TONIGHT? – NO, SIR. – NOPE? – NO. – WHY DON’T YOU POP THAT TRUNK, STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE FOR ME, PLEASE. – REALLY? – YEAH. [trunk pops] – [sighs] [seatbelt clicks] – NO DRUGS, HUH? – NOPE. [indistinct radio chatter] – WELL, WELL, WELL. [trunk closes] WHAT HAVE WE HERE? – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU PLANTED THAT IN MY CAR. – OH, DID I? OR…DID I PLANT THIS? – UH–I REAL–I GUESS– – UP AGAINST…

  • How to Beat a Speeding Ticket in Court
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    How to Beat a Speeding Ticket in Court

    Hi, I’m Barry Kowitt, one of the attorneys here at the law firm of Unger & Kowitt today wanna talk to you question we get asked all the time which is how to beat a speeding ticket in court the first thing you have to know about how to beat a speeding ticket in court is that you gotta be prepared you can’t just walk in expect to get the case dismissed it doesn’t work that way. You have to do a little bit about to take the ticket you receive in this case it’s a speeding ticket look at the actual ticket look at the citation number of their…

  • No-Shave November, Reno Style – RENO 911!
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    No-Shave November, Reno Style – RENO 911!

    Uh, I got this in last night. The State of Nevada is trying to, uh, pass a referendum where, uh, state, and, uh, local government employees cannot have moustaches. ‘Has anyone seen this? Prop 5-5-1?’ – ‘They’re uh…’ – That is [bleep] I find that [bleep]. – ‘Take away our moustaches.’ – That ain’t fair. They will take my moustache from my cold, dead upper lip, my friend. I ain’t coming into work without a ‘stache. Junior, you was born with that moustache, wasn’t you? Hell, yeah. It’s my daddy’s moustache. Or he had a similar one. ‘I don’t want to work here without a moustache.’ ‘I really don’t.’ I…

  • Is Wiegel Dating a Serial Killer? – RENO 911!
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    Is Wiegel Dating a Serial Killer? – RENO 911!

    (Dangle) ‘Good morning, people.’ Well, apparently, the Hells Angels who own that brothel out there, out on 80… They’re doing a program, uh, hand in your gun for a, uh… [clicks tongue] Uh, ***. – ‘Hand job?’ – Yeah. “Hand guns for hand job ***.” That’s what the poster said. Yeah, they wanted us to sponsor that, you know but, uh, up there said, “Unh-unh.” [knock on door] – Hey, guys. – Can I help you, sir? Uh, just the lady out, out front said that maybe I could talk to Trudy for a second. The lady out front was wrong, sir. We are in a meeting. She is working…

  • Alien Shooting – RENO 911!
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    Alien Shooting – RENO 911!

    [indistinct radio chatter] – Sheriff’s department! – Sheriff’s department! Frisbee! (Garcia) ‘Chandler, Ross, Joey’ ‘Oliver, Greg, get in the house!’ ‘Get in the house!’ (Garcia) ‘How are we doin’ today? How are we doin’?’ We got a call down there at the department uh, some, uh, aircraft takin’ off from, uh, Reno airport’s been receivin’ some, uh, fire, some, uh, bullet rounds. (Frisbee) ‘What airline was it?’ (Garcia) Uh… Doesn’t really matter, Frisbee, honestly… I don’t shoot at airlines. Alien aircraft. (Garcia) ‘You only shoot at alien aircraft?’ What I think is alien aircraft, ET stuff. (Garcia) Uh-huh, how would you distinguish that from regular aircraft? It’s got aliens in…