• International Travel
    Articles,  Blog

    International Travel

    – I travel a lot. I’m constantly going through security, always behind that person that’s never left their house before. (audience laughs) They always want to ask me questions like, “Can I bring soup on the plane? (audience laughs) “It’s homemade soup.” I’m like, “Uh, you should ask them.” “For an ID, can I use a fishing license?” (audience laughs) “Uh, you should–” “Should I take off my shoes and my pants?” (audience laughs) “Yes, you should.” (audience laughs and claps) Airport security’s annoying. It’s nothing compared to international travel, like going through customs and immigration. That’s so intense. They’re dressed like SWAT team members. (audience laughs) I always get…

  • Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date  – Uncensored
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – Andre and Meegan’s First Date – Uncensored

    [laughter] God, the moment I saw you last night in the club, totally had to ask you out. Are you kidding me? Like, the moment? – Oh, yeah. – That’s so sweet. And I was actually afraid that you were going to be, like, one of those high-maintenance chicks, you know? – What? – Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don’t know. Control freak or– I don’t even know. Oh, my God. That’s so funny. Isn’t it? Is it? Is it funny? Is it funny? No. I’m, like, I totally just like to be just easygoing. – Yeah, yeah. – Hi, I’m Wayne. – I’ll be your waiter. – It’s been…

  • Corporate Event Planners Tips on booking company party, banquet entertainment / entertainers
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    Corporate Event Planners Tips on booking company party, banquet entertainment / entertainers

    Hi I’m John Pullum. I just got up the phone with someone that was planning the very important Corporate Event. Like I’ve heard time and time in my 20 years of corporate entertainment.This person was thrown into the job of party planning with no previous experience. She was given a really nice budget to work with. After planning the meals, the drinks, the appetizer and the center pieces, she soon realize that she forgot the most important part of the evening, the entertainment. When she finally check her budget to see how much she had left, it wasn’t much. She told me that just the appetizer alone where 3 to…

  • Inside Amy Schumer – Time Travel
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    Inside Amy Schumer – Time Travel

    So then Jeff was like, “What’s your excuse for being late today?” And I was like, “I don’t have an excuse, I have a reason.” Good for you. If your body oversleeps, it’s because it needs it. Shh. Will you stop it? That’s what got us kicked out of Guy Fieri’s restaurant. Don’t say I never offered. (giggling) Let’s move in together. It’s only been two weeks. When you know, you know. Yeah. You’re low-maintenance and it just feels okay. It feels right to me, too. Plus, my roommate’s all over me about rent. She’s your stepmom. Why is she even charging you? I don’t know. Mmm. I’m gonna hit…

  • Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys
    Articles,  Blog

    Key & Peele – White-Sounding Black Guys

    WELCOME TO THE SHOW, EVERYBODY. I AM KEEGAN. – I AM JORDAN. – AND THIS IS KEY & PEELE. THANK YOU, YES. THANK YOU. [cheers and applause] JORDAN AND I ARE– WE’RE BIRACIAL. – YES, HALF BLACK, HALF WHITE. – AND BECAUSE OF THAT, WE FIND OURSELVES PARTICULARLY ADEPT AT LYING. BECAUSE ON A DAILY BASIS WE HAVE TO ADJUST OUR BLACKNESS. – YES. – YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? – OH, NO, THERE’S MANY REASONS WE DO THAT. – YEAH. – I MEAN, TO TERRIFY WHITE PEOPLE. – YES, THAT’S ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS. ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS, YEAH. – BECAUSE, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WITH THE…

  • President Trump’s Muslim-Targeted Travel Ban: The Daily Show
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    President Trump’s Muslim-Targeted Travel Ban: The Daily Show

    Let’s get into tonight’s show, and the start of week two of the Donald Trump Presidency. TV REPORTER:Chaotic scenes erupting at airportsaround the world.TV REPORTER:Protests all across the country.TV REPORTER:Denounce President Trump’s temporary banon travelers from seven mostly Muslim countries.TV REPORTER:Lawyers descending on airports.TV REPORTER: Chaos and confusion.Is this the America that we believe in? CROWD: No! -Is this liberty? -CROWD: No! Do you understand how insane this is? People in the airport were pissed, and it’s not because they’re at the airport. Welcome to Trump’s America. That’s how bad “The Donald” is. No matter how bad the situation you’re in, Donald Trump can always make it worse. Like, there…

  • Jim Gaffigan on Traveling Internationally with Five Kids
    Articles,  Blog

    Jim Gaffigan on Traveling Internationally with Five Kids

    >>Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?>>SO NICE.>>Jimmy: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?>>I’M GOOD.>>Jimmy: HOW HAS YOUR SUMMER GONE SO FAR?>>IT WAS TOO MUCH TIME WITH MY FAMILY. WAY TOO MUCH TIME. I TOOK MY KIDS TO EUROPE.>>Jimmy: UH-HUH. NICE.>>AND I TRIED TO GET RID OF THEM. I TOOK MY KIDS TO EUROPE, WHICH IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST EXPENSIVE THING YOU COULD DO IN THE WORLD.>>Jimmy: OF COURSE. YOU’VE GOT A LOT OF KIDS, RIGHT?>>I’VE GOT A LOT OF KIDS. FIVE.>>Jimmy: FIVE KIDS.>>MOST PEOPLE ARE LIKE WHY?>>Jimmy: HOW MANY ROOMS DO YOU HAVE TO GET WITH FIVE KIDS? >>WE HAVE TO GET A COUPLE ROOMS, AND THEN WE HAVE TO GET A ROOM…

  • “Attention All Passengers” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal) LONGER RE-RELEASE
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    “Attention All Passengers” – Trevor Noah – (Crazy Normal) LONGER RE-RELEASE

    But the pilots, the pilots are calm, they’re cool you know, you get into the air. they start making useless announcements that you don’t even care about, just to give you that feeling that he knows what he’s doing you get up there as the seat belt lights go *sound of seat belt light* “Ladies and gentlemen as you may have noticed we have reached our cruising altitude” “currently sitting at 23 000 feet above sea level.” “Cruising at about 720km an hour in this Boeing 737” “one of the favourite planes in the star _______________ _______________________” “beautiful sunny day up here, we might encounter a few bumps but nothing…

  • Would You Kill Baby Hitler? – Agree to Disagree
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    Would You Kill Baby Hitler? – Agree to Disagree

    – I’m not gonna take a baby’s head and squeeze it between my butt cheeks to kill it. Just to clarify on camera, I don’t want to ever do that. – Oh yeah, because the butt cheeks is the most disgusting part about killing a baby. – [Interviewer] If you went back in time, would you kill baby Hitler? – No. – Yes. – No. – Definitely. – First of all, I want to start by saying that I hate Nazis. I hate them. I think they’re terrible and I wish they were never born. But, I could not kill baby Hitler because first of all, why baby Hitler? Why…