Life Update: I Got MCR Tickets??!
Articles,  Blog

Life Update: I Got MCR Tickets??!

hello humans, it’s me, ash, I know that I
have not posted in several months and that’s just because my life has been
fucking wild recently. since the accident obviously, things have been really hard
for me, I am in tremendous physical pain all of the time, and the medication that
I’m on for that makes me really hazy and out of it, and it’s hard to be a person
in that state, like, I am super depressed, I can’t do things, I can’t get less than
12 hours of sleep or else I feel really nauseous and faint and it’s just a
shitty way to exist. in addition my insurance company has been denying a
working prosthetic for me for eight months? actually it’s December, so nine
months. it’s been since March, and that is traumatizing to be honest, to just have
the medical system fail you in such a severe way. like the prosthetic that I’m
using now has really fucked up my back and the last thing I need at this point
is more fucking chronic pain. so that’s really shitty of them. I heard from my
prosthetist that they have approved a leg recently, but since we’re still
having trouble ordering it I am honestly not going to believe that I’m getting it
until I actually have it in my hands, because we’ve just been failing for so
long at this, and that’s pretty fucked up. for the last three years I have been
doing everything within my power to be able to work again, to go back and live
on a farm or a commune and honestly I just don’t think that’s going to happen,
and I don’t want to say that I’m like giving up on my dreams, because like, of
course I still want that to happen and of course I’m still doing everything I
can, but I need to stop living my life as if my current situation is temporary,
because I’ve been in this State for like three years, and I don’t
want to keep being miserable. obviously where I’m at right now is not a
sustainable way of living, I am making my money by selling sexy amputee videos,
if you would like to donate to my patreon, buy some videos that would
really help me out, I will put the link in the description. but that is not
sustainable for me, that is not making enough to pay my bills right now. so I
can’t really stay where I’m at but these dreams that I have aren’t
attainable either, so I’m not really sure of what to do. I am trying to do little
things to make myself feel better, the best thing in my life right now is my
local Dungeons & Dragons group which is just a group of gays that I brought
together. every Tuesday we meet in my house and it’s really nice to have local
friends, because I haven’t had that in so so long. there’s like six of us and we
all love each other and it’s good to see other people my own age regularly,
because that’s something that I’ve really been missing out on. we are
actually making a D&D podcast, I will also put the link to that in the
description, please listen to it we worked so hard on it and it would really
mean a lot if you could subscribe to our YouTube channel and follow us on Twitter
and stuff like that. just having a sense of community has been really good for me,
and it’s not just the D&D group, I also have my best friend and my mom and, this
is kind of dumb, but I feel like emo culture is kind of making a comeback
which is something that I’ve always wanted to happen, obviously, since I’m
still emo, now in the year 2019. I’ve been on tiktok a lot recently, which
I know it’s like the cringiest thing ever, but you know what cringe culture is
dead and I will leave my tiktok in the description below. it’s just really
fun to dress up in cute outfits and lip-synch to dumb music videos and do
stuff like that. and one of my videos actually has like a
million views now so that’s really surprising. if you would like to follow
me please do that because I’m having a lot of fun with it, I just find that it’s
a lot more chill than other social media sites like Tumblr or Twitter, because on
those sites everybody’s always talking about the discourse and how bad the
world is. and like, social media is the place that I go to to get away from
constantly thinking about oppression, as like an obviously very oppressed person,
who my insurance company is trying to kill, like I don’t want to go there and
see more of that. and telling me that I have to look at it
24/7 is not helping me. so tiktok has been good for that
because there’s really a lack of politics and discourse and stuff like
that. also my Chemical Romance’s coming back! which… what the fuck. they have been
my favorite band literally forever and I’ve always said that if they came back
I would do absolutely anything to see them live and that’s exactly what I’m
doing, I spent pretty much all of my savings on resale tickets to go and see
them in LA this December. so oh my god I am probably going to see my Chemical
Romance, and that’s fucking insane that’s a
sentence that I never thought I would be saying, honestly My Chemical Romance has
helped me so much, they give me so much creative inspiration. when I used to
write music they were like, the main thing motivating me and like they helped
me through like my awful shitty teen years living in an abusive household, and
it’s just so fucking amazing that they’re back now and that there’s all
these like baby emos on tik-tok and it is so wonderful to see that so hell yeah, emo forever, emos making a comeback yeah. I would absolutely love to start
making music again, I actually wrote a song for the first time in years the
other day, well I wrote the lyrics to a song. um… my cats are fighting, I
get to that in a second, but I need to figure out how to get music to it
because we’ve been having trouble with recording lately. we ran into it with the
podcast and I’ve also been having issues like years and years before this,
it just won’t sync up right like if you record something, and then you try to
record like a bass line overtop of it, it’s just a little bit off.
and I can’t figure out why, because when you’re playing it live it sounds in sync
perfectly, but when you play it back it’s not and I’ve tried it with audacity I
tried it with Vegas, I don’t know what’s going on. if you have tips please let me
know, because that is hindering my ability to make music. and obviously I’m
really depressed and I don’t like thinking about what’s going on in my
head, so it’s hard for me to make music but that is something that I would
really like to get back into. I’ve also been doing a lot of art recently, if you
would like to see that check out my art tumblr, just promoting all the things
here. ignore toast screaming. I’ve also been cosplaying a lot and you can see
more of that on tiktok. my next cosplay is going to be Catra
from She-ra because that show is so fucking gay. Scorpia owns my entire heart,
I would fucking die for her. and Catra is evil but I’m gay so. so that’s what my
life has been like for the past few months. I’ve been doing d&d, making a
podcast, selling videos, making TikToks and I’ve also been fostering some baby
kittens for the past week, and I can go get them here’s one of them.
I have named her soot sprite, or actually, my D&D group has named her soot sprite,
because she looks like a little soot sprite. I’m guessing she’s about six
weeks old and she is so fluffy and adorable. let go. look at her little face, look at her. she is so cute and I love her. so tiny so little,
so one of my friends suggested that, hey maybe toast is screaming all the time
because he’s lonely for other cats and I was like well you might have a point,
even though I’ve fostered in the past and he didn’t really like it, I was like
let’s give this another try, so I got these baby kitties and he was really
scared of them at first, but now I think he’s starting to warm up to them. they
have been playing together today for the first time, that’s adorable, I’m gonna go
find the other one. here she is a little baby, this one’s called cinder and you
are so stinky, why are you so stinky mommy loves you,
you’re just a little thing, you’re just a little baby. this is the cuddly one she
is purring so hard right now and I love her. and I’ve also been doing better with
walking, obviously it’s hard because I don’t have a working prosthetic. I’ve
just got this kind of thing attached to my body just, that allows me to walk
minimally, but the knee just doesn’t work at all so that’s um. actually going
pretty well, or at least as well as it can. and I know that I haven’t done an
amputee Q&A like I said I was gonna do and I’ve had my implant for like, over a
year now and I still haven’t done a video with me walking on YouTube, which
is something that I keep meaning to do and not doing. I keep saying I’m gonna
wait until, like, I can actually walk good and now it’s been nine months trying to
get a prosthetic, so. that’s why I haven’t done that, but you know maybe next video
if you would like to leave some questions for a possible Q&A. I didn’t
get many the last time that I asked for them, so if you leave some, it’s gonna
make it more likely that I’m gonna do a Q&A. so yeah that’s my life, I hope you
guys will subscribe to our podcast, and follow me on tiktok and have a
good week. peace! *jingle*


  • Ratoftheswamp

    First of all you look incredible, your hair color is amazing and looks so good on you. Also as a gay who just got into dnd very excited about your podcast. I was born disabled but I still have that mindset of it being temporary which is very strange but I think its internalized ableism. When I saw that you posted it made me so excited, you are absolutely wonderful and although being in pain and disabled is horrible the depression aspect of it does get easier but it does take a really long time so hang in there.

  • baby sinclair

    Aww seeing Toast in the background made my heart so happy 🐈🐈🐈 & seeing your video update also made me happy! Great to see you! Hope you make more update videos!!!!

  • Weirdowithoutano

    I think you’re the only person I can just sit and listen talk for a while also I absolutely love your hair, it really suits you. And your kitties are adorable and I’m glad life is looking up at least a little πŸ™‚

  • Debra Boyea

    Great to see you again Ash. You seem better than last time but I understand your frustration with insurance company. I just dont get why they are taking so long to get something going! Love your hair. The blue and black was my favorite but the purple is great. Take care.

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