Ellen and Portia Encountered Shark While Paddle Boarding

I’m very happy. I’m very grateful for
lots of things in my life. We just had a break
for our holiday break. Did you have a wonderful break? A nice relaxing one? [CHEERING] I did, too. I had a nice relaxing break. We had two weeks
off, and Portia and I stayed home the entire time. We didn’t go anywhere. We have a house that’s
right on the ocean. It’s very relaxing,
so we sat there and just enjoyed the ocean for,
like, three or four minutes. And then we were bored. And Portia wanted to
try paddleboarding because all these
paddleboarders are out there. And so I bought some
paddleboards for Christmas, and then Portia
kept saying, yeah, but what if there
are sharks out there? Because, you know,
she’s scared of sharks. And I said, there’s
not sharks out there. It’s winter. They’re not here in the
winter, and I had no idea if that was true or not. But I paid good money
for those paddleboard, and she was going to use them. So the next day, Portia is
getting ready to go out. She was all excited,
and she’s carrying the big heavy board in one hand
and the paddle on the other. And I was on the porch,
and she’s way out there. And she’s waving
or maybe she was saying, why aren’t you helping? I don’t know. Anyway, she’s about to
head into the water, and we noticed that
there was this boat circling, this small boat
with, like, seven people. And they kept pointing,
and they were leaning over the bow of the boat. And they were just
going in circles, and I mean, literally 20 feet
out from the water, like, 20 feet out at most. And it kept circling. And finally, someone on
the beach went like that, and they called out,
eight foot great white. And we’re like, well,
that’s the second worst thing you want to hear, right
after our wedding has a cash bar. But I think that– I mean, they were seeing a great
white shark eight feet right there. And then, we’re walking on
the– so Portia didn’t go in. And so we’re walking on
the sand a little ways, and there’s another
paddleboarder who’d just come in. And we told him about it. He goes, oh yeah. Earlier today, the
11 foot came at me. And I’m like, the 11 foot? What is that? Like, everyone
knows the 11 foot? So there’s an eight foot and
an 11 foot shark out there, and I’m thinking, I
should’ve kept the tags on those paddleboard sets. Why wouldn’t I do that? So anyway, we talked to
this guy who goes out there all the time, and
he said, they won’t attack until they’re adults. And they’re not adults
until they’re 12 feet long, but who’s got a tape measure? When you’re out
there, you’re not going to just start
trying to measure to see if it’s 11 or 12. And I don’t even understand
how the sharks even know that. Like, I want to eat that
person, but I’m only 11 foot. I got to wait another
foot and I’ll get you. But I was right, sharks are
not usually in the water this time of year. They’re supposed to go
to Mexico, but because of the climate change,
the water is warmer. So they have stayed there. They’re probably worried
if they go to Mexico, Trump’s not going
to let them back in. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] Sharks are smart. They know. So there’s two reasons I’m
telling you this story. First, if you’re swimming
in the ocean in Los Angeles or in the area, be careful. Second, if you’re interested in
two barely used paddleboards, I have beautiful ones for sale
and I’ll give you a good deal. I do not want to
swim with sharks, but they’re beautiful
creatures and I think we should respect them. We shouldn’t harm them.

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